Emotions, opinions and actions were all over the place last week with the Supreme Court drama. Messages were sent and rested upon willing ears depending on your own lens. Women still don’t matter, lying is okay, a man’s privilege is threatened, it’s ok to use an individual’s real trauma as a political ploy, what you do when young (or as a man) is ok if you turn out to do some good or hold power, men can be angry and credible while a real victim women must remain composed, not be angry and have a pHD to have a chance to be heard and the list goes on.
The precedents that will be set are still unknown. Last week was chaos. It still is chaos. And this is the energy of change. This is the energy of awakening and uncovering. We are not going backwards. It feels like we are, like things are getting worse. But this is what it is like to lift the veil, to shine light into the dark, to uncover our shadow, individually and collectively. Events like this and all the events like them the past decade are our awakening (#metoo, #blacklivesmatter, #99percent, #keepfamiliestogether, etc.).
Awakening is painful, loud, messy, cloudy and chaotic. The time we spend waking up versus moving forward depends on what we chose to do. It is not a time to go in hiding, be small, be quiet, hold in back or on anymore. It is a time to hold each other in love and support. To know where we are in the anger and fear and us that emotion as a catalyst for change – not continued division, blaming and shaming, position holding, black and white, right and wrong thinking. Making others wrong so you can be right or making yourself wrong so others can be right. That reinforces status quo.
It is ‘BOTH AND’ times
The me, you and we. Not just the me, or just the you. How can I speak my truth and hear others? How can I see the gift in this? How can I stay grounded in knowing my truth, who I am and hold space for others in different places and spaces? That which comes from within is far more powerful than anything “out there”.
I look forward to these messes specifically because they are unveiling decades and centuries of our shadows that have perpetuated systematic injustices across so many people and places. Beliefs, paradigms and systems that have kept us from our true power as individuals and a country.
Awakening ignites three kinds of anger and there needs to be room for all three. You might experience all in one day, but it is your responsibility to know where you are and how to use the energy as a catalyst for change. Volcanic anger, stinging anger, you hurt me so I will hurt you, raw, potent and powerful is the first anger. It is the anger of victims, the repressed, discriminated, non-privileged, betrayed, used feel. And when they get the stage it spews forth like a volcanic eruption. It is the anger of the perpetrator denying their role, privilege, power, force, self-righteousness, fear that spews back. Once unveiled, that anger must be heard, that explosion used to move forward and create change or the suffering and trauma continues. For those that can’t be angry you thrust the explosion inward and it becomes sadness, depression, anxiety and you shut down, go silent and stay small. That leads to illness and drama trauma of another kind.
Once the awakening anger is transmuted, one can rise above and witness from a higher perspective. From an evolutionary, Universal, Divine or larger perspective to inform lessons, actions, new paradigms. The anger serves as fuel for change versus fuel to harm others and seek revenge. The final phase is the rising up from the ashes of the dark night, the decades and centuries of darkness and living full in the light. Knowing what you know, knowing your truth and able to give and serve others. Able to hold space for those in the volcanic anger. Able to stay grounded and be in BOTH AND energies. It is from this space we build systems that correct the injustices of our shadow past, increase our quality of life, resiliency and power as individuals and a country. Power from strength not fear.
Conscious Choices
We each have to figure out where we are in our anger and once we do, we can make conscious choices and actions to create change that aligns with our truths and collective values.
We have been in an awakening cosmic field since the 60’s, speeding up as we left the age of Pisces (the age of I or me) and entered the age of Aquarius (the age of us, who you and I are in the context of we, community, unity and our collective). Systems (government, health, food, economy, education, environment, etc.) are all breaking down because they were built on beliefs that no longer serve us. We are witnessing and living the breakdown, aka the uncovering. It is time. We chose to be here now. As the breakdown and uncovering happens our opportunity is to focus on building the new, building systems, course correcting what aligns with what we know is true now. Such as, women do matter, black lives matter, America was built on the backs, lives and souls of Native and Africans, inclusion is better than exclusion, and so on.
I offer the following breakdown of last week from the lens of change. From the place of you knowing your power and capacity to use your emotions toward our collective truth that align with Universal Laws. What if for a moment, we took off the labels of right and wrong, good and bad, my way or your way and saw this an part of our awakening. Those that are awake cannot turn back, we must help those that are still asleep through their awakening.
- Democrats and Republicans are responsible for the #hit show last week. Both are guilty of abusing the process and getting what they put out. Both have and will use delay tactics, PR campaigns and the lives of others to win. And both miss the point of their role. Both operate out of fear and that never creates change. Double standards abound – and double standards deliver, you get what you put out. One party uses a ploy against the other and it is returned when power shifts. Children in a playground.
Only a collective new vision that aligns with Universal Laws that works for the many versus the few (all connected so all included) will create change. From this perspective the questions you ask, knowledge and wisdom you seek and dialogue you have is energetically 180 degrees different. We must put that vision forth in our mindsets, every day conversations, to our elected officials and policy makers- and not settle for less.
When we turn governing and leading our people into a sport, there are winners and losers. Government for the people by the people is not a sport mindset, it is not a game. Rather it is a call of courage, wisdom, humility, integrity, honesty, self-reflection and the ability to see beyond your own ego and power to the collective. That kind of vision comes from the people, bottom up, working together. What do you chose to focus your attention, intention, energy and time? What words do you use? What is your message? Who are you talking too and who are you not talking to?
“Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.” – JFK
- Admit, reconcile and bring this truth into our paradigms, systems and processes. What was “ok” at some point in time, was never ok, ever. It was tolerated, swept under the rug in order to save the tribe and those in power and of privilege. Just because it was uncovered does not make it ok, “boys being boys”, “locker room behavior”. We would in no way bring back the brutality of the Greek and Roman era’s, the Vikings, cultures that sacrificed first born, genocides, horrible acts, ways of thinking and governing that were “acceptable” in their time. They were never acceptable. They were held up by those in power and with privilege.
Be clear, any act that causes harm to another being (think of the 10 commandments) is wrong every time, independent of who is in power. It matters what you do every minute of every day, you are sending a vibration of harm or love every breath, every decision every act. That is how energy works. You are sending a vibration out ALL the time. We have tools like humility, self-reflection, honesty, integrity, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, blessings for when we screw up, because we will screw up. Just because I go on to do good things, does not take away the harm I have caused others.
“If you cannot change your mind you cannot change the world.” “To improve is to change to be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill
- Change our belief that only perfect people can be elected to office. Because our political system and our ability to communicate with each other is so broken, we are in a pattern of no one is fit. We will find something wrong with everyone and use it to win, not even to govern effectively. I am not interested in what someone did when they were in high school, college or as an adult. I want to know what they learned from it. What will the never do again as a result? Who will the make sure is protected, represented, included and advocate for because they learned? How did it change them? How did they reflect, take responsibility, make it right and be accountable? That inspires, that teaches, that is growth and that can lead. We have to ask these kinds of questions, create space for these kinds of dialogues and quit using people and broad paint strokes to govern.
- Cultivating the ability to hold two or more beliefs or experiences at the same time, especially when one is not familiar to us. You are not likely the same person in every situation, at home, at work, at a meeting with top officials, a social gathering, at church, a wedding or a protest for example. You are not the same person in significant ways than you were at 5, 15, 25, 35 and 55. We hear in the news throughout history, stories of people who are two different people in the same life. Those that embezzle money from their company but are outstanding in the local church and city council, as one example. People are paradoxes. Truth, everyone is capable of murder and love given the right circumstances whether you want to admit or not.
It is 100% possible Judge Kavanagh was (maybe still is) a mean, pushy drunk while simultaneously being a nice guy at work and on the bench. It entirely possible that he is discriminatory to some people while advocates for others. That leaves two difference experiences out there of the man, both are valid. It is also possible Bill Cosby did horrific things to women while simultaneously raising the bar for African Americans on TV. Different experiences of the same man. Harvey Weinstein made great movies, ingenious in the industry, while simultaneously abusing women. And it goes on. We are human. Injustices are just that, injustice and we can’t decide to only validate one experience or side of a person when it is convenient and brush other under the rug. That is abuse of power, privilege, due process, never mind integrity, honesty and courage. Our processes need to value this reality of the human condition, especially processes that appoint our leaders.
This is a BOTH AND quality and ability. We have to cultivate the skill to hold multiple truths at the same time versus forcing a right and wrong. In every situation, everyone involved has their own conditioning the filters their perceptions of an experience and formulates their story. This skill requires time, due diligence and a willingness to find a solution that works for all, not just one party- it considers the whole, looks for win win not win lose.
- Science has documented the process and impact of trauma, including specific types of trauma such as sexual assault. Science has demonstrated and it has been shown over and over what happens to the victim. The impact is not the same as other crimes (and it is a crime) like robbery, a shooting, embezzlement, or name your crime. Those crimes have trauma, but the result for the victim is different your sacred body is violated against your will.
Science shows as a survival mechanism a victim “leaves” the memory and can’t speak of it (for many reasons we need to fix) and that memory can be, often is later in life. Doctor Ford gave a great example of this, and her experience is not unique it is the norm. A victim may lose insignificant details but never ever forgets some detail to cope. That is the brain on trauma, yours, mine and everyone’s. These assaults more often than not do not have a witness. And both likely experience the entire event different. We are uncovering the systematic rape culture in this country and acknowledging how trauma changes the brain is valid and credible and needs to equal weight in proceedings. Science debunks all myths about these assaults and rape. The myths are only in place to keep the status quo and those in power. Myths include, she asked for it, why didn’t she tell anyone, her memory is not reliable, she could have gotten help, etc. You know it is a myth when it points to the victim and away from the perpetrator. This joins all the other myths we are debunking as we wake up.
- We teach hate, domination, exclusion and discrimination systematically in this country every day while we condemn other countries for doing the same thing. This is a large topic and I will focus on how elite schools do this. There are many things elite schools (boarding, private, etc.) do that are good and contribute to society. However, for this one thing they do horribly I would get rid of all them and invest those resources and intentions in our public schools and teachers. Pay teachers a living wage, put teachers on pedestals before athletes and movie stars. Put our money where our mouth is regarding our children and a desired future for them. Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t’ need special elite schools because our public schools were so amazing (and I think many are given the support they have)?
The one horrible thing elite schools convey, teach, embed, support and protect is elitism. Elite means I am better than you. That violates a Universal Law that no one is inherently better than another. We all have something to contribute. A great education is a universal right. And we are better together (scientifically proven as well).
The “I am better than you” is a culture and translates into “because I am better than you I can dominate you, in fact I must dominate you because I am superior to you and know what you need and you are at my disposal, you are here for me to use to get higher on the ladder at all costs. At all costs encourages dishonesty, disrespect, irresponsibility and lack of accountability and integrity that is ok and approved. The end justifies the means, every time. Sexual assault, lying, cheating, stealing, abuse, entitlement, discrimination are all products of a culture of “I am better than you.” These institutions think they have something to lose by being inclusive so they are exclusive at the detriment to their own goals. These schools are part of the problem and need to change their culture and that starts by changing their paradigm or beliefs.
Children brought up to learn and earn respect, honesty, integrity, service, learn from their mistakes, value self-reflection and others will do well and grow up to contribute to society no matter what their schooling (plenty of examples).
- Our current culture (the past two decades) brought partisanship to the last of the three segments of government, the Supreme Court. The Court, Senate, House and all of us need to fix this now. Ideas are already on the table including to not have life time appointments, have terms be counter to political elections cycles and have a duration of impact less than a life time, say 10-15 years but not a life time. This is solvable if there is the courage to fix it.
- Men get off your high horse, you don’t need to be afraid, you need to get real. Change your story to the truth, you are not losing anything. You are gaining clarity, boundaries and true power. It is not rocket science, here are simple tips:
- Find a mentor. There are plenty of men who are not afraid to be masculine (strong) and real. That means they are strong enough to feel all their feelings, self-reflection, humility, integrity and compassion. They are not afraid to be accountable and responsible all in spite of their conditioning, culture and perhaps teachers that taught them otherwise. They have shown up willing to grow and change and align with their truth instead of others agendas, stories and ways of being and thinking. Find one and ask to be their student.
- Respect yourself. When you respect yourself. Respect doesn’t give you permission to step on others, in fact the opposite. Respect means you understand that what you do to others you first do to yourself. Every time.
- Find humility, forgiveness and compassion. You can’t know what it is like to be sexually assaulted unless you have been. But you can learn, empathize, understand, advocate and help change a system that perpetuates it. That includes owning your own deeds and forgiving yourself and right the wrongs starting today.
- Don’t ever show your private parts to anyone unless they ask. Ever.
- Don’t ever touch, kiss, hold down, corner, constrain, undress or anything similar to anyone without their permission. Which means ask every time, never assume. Which means no means no in all the direct and indirect ways no is communicated. Think of a women or girl you adore. If you don’t want anyone doing to them against their will what you are doing to someone (or did) – then you are already in assault land. No matter what you were taught, no matter who is cheering you on, no matter how sober or drunk you are.
- Know your limits. If you can’t control yourself when drunk, or with “those friends” or in some situation, get out, don’t go, don’t drink. Be brave enough to know yourself and act in accordance. That is what personal responsibility means (versus blame a victim).
- And if you know you are guilty of assault in your past. Begin the process of admission and healing yourself first and then reach out to your victims. It is never too late. It helps no one to stay in hiding, least of all yourself. Be part of the solution that aids your own healing – and that of the planet.
Carolyn Myss states “If you have no sense of your Shadow, you will live as a victim. You’ll have no alternative because you will see the world from the position that everything is coming at you and you have no power.”
We are not going backwards, we are awakening and uncovering. You don’t have to solve all the disasters and heartbreaks in the world. You are not in charge of others anger, grief and path. Witness it. Feel what you feel. Take right action for you. And always remember love is where you live.
