Author Archives: Barb Horn

The Brochure Didn’t Say THAT!

MGC15 (13 of 131)         MGC15 (34 of 131)         1IMG_3592

(Photo’s 1 and 2 compliments of L. Harris and 3 from S. Langston, that’s me underwater)

What do you get when 16 people spend 23 days floating on crafts that carry all they need down the Grand Canyon? You get an experiment in community. One does not embark on such an adventure without to be awed, changed or altered in some way. On the inside. A significant offering the Canyon provides, that words diminish when one tries to explain, is how the Canyon itself and the experience of community peel back layers of yourself, exposing your soul, leaving you feeling vulnerable and small and yet somehow part of something larger than yourself. Someone who has been given something special and must share it, through being. You don’t want to miss that part of the experience or resist receiving that gift, but you will try, it is human.

Let me explain.  The Grand Canyon as a geologic and hydrologic wonder full of beauty, history, paradoxes, adventure, excitement, calm and risk.  You are in wilderness for 280 river miles and decisions you make or don’t make can and do take lives.  The only people you may see are folks on the same journey (and sometimes that is no one).  No cell phone access only satellite phone in some places for emergency contact.  Evacuations are by helicopter, expensive and for life threatening emergencies.  It is the kind of experience you spend six or months planning, preparing and building expectations.  You have a map, ample food, water, first aid, safety and back up gear and clothing – and each other.  That’s it.

The Canyon is the classroom in which you and trip mates are the experiment.  Decisions each of you make impact the entire group and overall experience.  You put on the river as a group and must stay together through thick and thin until you take out because it is illegal to separate.  After ten trips, I believe 9 out of 10 trips would separate if it was legal.  Why?  The challenges that comes with being in the unknown, in community and in yourself all at the same time.  You don’t know what wonder is around the next bend and how to prepare, you have to trust.  You experience doubt, fatigue, anxiety, fear, adrenaline and a sense of lack of control.   And then you have to deal with the extrovert or introvert (whatever you aren’t), your dinner duty and/or the group member you just don’t get.   You may even realize you don’t like someone, even hate them and wish they would get evacuated.  You experiences many emotions and intensely at times.

The Canyon demands your attention and thus you spend long periods of time present, in the moment, which we can easily avoid in everyday life.  The group as a whole has to react and respond to, manage and confront the next thing.  While that may be a waterfall, a successful rapid run, a sweet hike, it also might be a flip (a boat full of gear turns upside down), an unintended swimmer, damaged equipment, an injury, illness, or a decision to make like where to camp or hike or eat lunch, or what to do about a group member(s) that disrupts the community dynamic beyond an acceptable level.

You can’t walk away literally or metaphorically (workaholic, check out with a device, keep moving so you never hear your inner voice, etc.).  You can show up and deal or resist and ignore. Both are choices, both have consequences for you and the group.  At the end you will be saying “I never thought I would….”  You will hear yourself tell stories about the amazing Canyon but also about all the people on board.  Sayings, phrases or songs you invented.  Events that happened and what folks did or didn’t do in response.   The experience of it all opens you up.  You will change, but not like you thought.  In your reflection you can list all the things that “were not provided in the brochure”.

This Grand Canyon community experience is just like everyday life. Distilling my life down to my own expectations, a dry bag, 16 people, five boats and 280 miles of wilderness is just the context for the day.  I have distilled my everyday life in the same way. Expectations based on my beliefs and stories of how I should be and feel and how others should act and feel.  My routines, habits, to-do-lists merge with my many communities.  I need to be present but I often get sucked into stories of the past, worries about the future and create drama by focusing on others instead of myself.  I don’t really know what is around the next bend but I create the illusion I am in control and directing my life, which erodes my trust muscles.  I want the “difficult” person, entity, agency, authority, situation to just evaporate so I will be okay.  But it doesn’t.  And I am still okay.

There are many elements that make a group dynamic in community high vibrating.  The obvious element is to have a common goal, in this case we all wanted a fabulous but safe adventure. This past trip was amazing and there were challenges on the river and in the group.  We were high vibrating though and I believe that is because of three key ingredients.  Ingredients I want to remember and bring to the remaining float down the river of my life, which I hope entails many years.

The three ingredients were:

1)      Verbalized, agreed upon community norms.  A group has norms, whether acknowledged or not.  We selected key items we all agreed upon at the beginning that we would do to keep group safety and harmonious.  This included acknowledging and valuing our differences as well as that we will feel something we don’t want to at times (scared, anxiety, anger, etc.) and that is okay.  We delegated group tasks so everyone had a role and a communication structure to share issues, concerns and to make group decisions.   We made these group norms the nucleus of our safety talk.  As it played out, we each had to make a personal sacrifice at various times for the sake of holding these group norms.  That is what it means to agree to a collective.

2)      Self-rescue, meant more than it usually does on river trips.  It usually means take care of your physical needs first if you can, don’t expect help and be resourceful.   We expanded that meaning to include taking care of your emotional and mental health as well, but within boundaries.  Hold yourself accountable, figure out what you are feeling and need and ask for it.

3)      Holding the group accountable.  Once our group’s dysfunction or dis-ease was out in the open. It was easy to make it about individuals.  You know that point in a community, it is who the gossip is about, who is getting blamed, etc.  And we did make it about a person, for a period.  If we continued down that path we would have had to confront more serious issues.  This is not to say, that individual did not have some accountability, they did, but they are one person in 16 to hold up group accountability.  Blame never produces a solution, it only solidifies status quo like super glue.  Conflict seems like it is about a person and a circumstance, but it never really is. It is always about something underneath the story.

We were brave enough, as a group (not some of us but all of us), to gather and put the elephants in center circle.   Step one.  That never usually resolves the issues.  Putting elephants in front of the group gives each individual permission to own their role and part in transforming what has been illuminated for them and bring that learning back to the whole.  It is being self-centered and focused for the wealth of the tribe, not for self-gain.  It takes leadership to create step one.  Step two, then is the group has to hold the individuals in the group accountable to the norms. Once the elephant is out, it requires the group to keep it in the herd.  If the group falls back on one person (leader or not) to enforce group agreements then the group is not owning itself yet and will continue to create drama until it does.

New friendships were made on this past trip and a few friendships are forever altered, maybe terminated.  Again, such as life.  We create relationships to have experiences we need, they need, and when they are done, we have the opportunity to release them gracefully or in drama.   What does gracefully mean?  Acknowledge we are at different places in our growth, and that is neither good or bad, right or wrong, just is.  I bless you on your path with your guides and I bless myself, we both count, even if I don’t get you and you don’t get me. Thank you for what you have given me and I wish you love and grace along your path.

We don’t have experiences to get over them.  We have them to be seen, to be heard, to feel something we need, to grow and evolve or to resist change and maintain status quo.  We create, invite, select, demand, and even attempt to control experiences.  Experiences are part of being in this body this life time.  We are never alone either, we always have ourselves, our guides, and our version of Source.  Thus, even experiences in solitude are in community.  We may feel alone, but that doesn’t mean we are. We are not our feelings.  We create community all the time at home.  Informally and formally.  A family, a soccer team, the neighborhood, a project, a club, a hobby, work teams, a group of workshop attendees as examples.   Life is one big community comprised of infinite smaller communities.

One gift the amazing, speechless Grand Canyon gifted me this trip, was that of conscious, intentional community.  I am keenly aware of my role, value and contribution, or lack of in all my communities.  I imagine this way of living in community could create amazing shifts in our world.  Since the trip, I have given myself permission to leave some communities, strengthen others and forge new ones, all with a sense of wonder, awe, trust and conscious intent.  These last few months, lunar and solar eclipses and the new moon in Scorpio, keep calling us to create and bring our unique gift to others, to collaborate and partner with others and to transform our inner stories and beliefs that keep us small and from valuing yourself in community.  What is your response?

Post Traumatic Growth – What Will It Take To Stop Orange Rivers? (10 of 10)

Post Traumatic Growth – What Will It Take To Stop Orange Rivers?

People kayak in the Animas River near Durango, Colo., Thursday, Aug. 6, 2015, in water colored from a mine waste spill. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said that a cleanup team was working with heavy equipment Wednesday to secure an entrance to the Gold King Mine. Workers instead released an estimated 1 million gallons of mine waste into Cement Creek, which flows into the Animas River. (Jerry McBride/The Durango Herald via AP) MANDATORY CREDIT

People Kayak the Animas River north of Durango, Thursday, August 6th, one day after the Gold King Mine spill.  Photo Jerry McBride, Durango Herald via AP 

Koyaanisqatsi” is the Native American Hopi word for life out of balance

This is the tenth and last Blog in a ten part series called “Through the Lens of the Animas River” that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado.  Each blog in this series looks at a different aspect and deeper story behind the spill.  All Embracing Change Blog is focused on change, how to create it, embrace it and in particular the relationship between paradigms of countries, cultures and collective humanity relate to the systems we build, the patterns we see and experiences we have.  All of those are change points, areas we can influence change but require different approaches and time scales.  Learn more about a change,  paradigm shifts or play Blame It Name It Change It or sign up for the All Embracing Change Newsletter.  The first blog was titled, “Who Really Turned My River Orange?” and second “How to Get Rid of the Environmental Protection Agency” followed by “Is the Water in the Gold King Mine a Problem?”, “To Superfund or Not to Superfund Silverton.”,“ The Perfect Response to an Orange River”,  “Hello Durango, where have you been?:”, “Why it Matters When a River Turns Orange” , “Why Anger Is Part of Real Change and Shame Is Not” and “What does Hiroshima, Hurricane Katrina, Michael Brown and the Animas River Have In Common?”

On August 5, 2015 the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) accidently released a spill of metals laden acidic mine water from the Gold King Mine.  This turned the Animas River orange and the entire country watch this butterscotch plume travel from Silverton, Colorado through Durango, on to Aztec and Farmington, New Mexico, then Bluff, Utah and into Lake Powell.  The plume also went through Southern Ute and Navajo Nation Tribal Lands.  The story went viral and international.  Perhaps that is because an orange river is an excellent visual story or maybe the irony that EPA caused a harmful spill and they are the agency responsible to protect us from such spills.

There are so many ironies in this event I must point them out.  The first is the obvious.  The EPA or agency responsible for protecting our water and air from pollution caused a spill that polluted a river.  This irony maybe a blessing in disguise.  As I look at other similar disasters, Gulf oil spill, Exxon Valdez spill, fracking an associated water contamination or water pollution, West Virginia’s Elk River chemical spill bring to mind events you might remember, none of those has triggered a paradigm shift.  All of these and the thousands more do not get attention or press due to the smaller scale, create some change, but not the tipping point needed for a paradigm shift.  Maybe the Animas will be such a change agent because EPA caused it.

Another irony is the fear people had and still have over their drinking water being safe.  The first irony always gets me, and that is people don’t know where their drinking water comes from and as such, don’t pay attention to the care of the air and land feeding that source.   Our paradigm allows us to “not worry” someone is dealing with that, doing their job.   We need to know and actively protect our water, just like we are starting to do with our food.

The second irony is the amount of testing that goes into drinking water versus bottled water. We think because it is on a shelf in a store it is safe.  Industry counts on that ignorance.  In most cases in the U.S. drinking water providers have to comply with Safe Drinking Water Act, which ensures the safety of your drinking water.  Companies who provide bottled water do not; they are not regulated under the same system.

Likewise, fear of eating the fish in the Animas ironic when the cans of tuna fish in the grocery store have more mercury than all fish in the Animas combined.   Tuna fish is regulated by the Federal Food and Drug Administration.  Mercury warnings in wild fish? Your state health department or Clean Water Act agency determines safe levels and posts warnings.  The metals of concern in the Gold King Mine water are cadmium, copper, lead and zinc primarily.  These metals do not accumulate in fish filets, but cause dysfunction in liver and kidneys for the fish.  Mercury, selenium and arsenic can accumulate in fish filets but tend to be unavailable in running waters.  In lakes that is a different story.   You and I have levels of mercury, selenium and arsenic in our muscle tissue in some concentration. We cannot get rid of metals on this planet, they exist in some form; the key is to have them exist in forms that do not harm us.

Accidents cause trauma. Trauma changes us by design. Trauma can cause stress and growth. Post traumatic growth is a real phenomenon just like post traumatic stress disorder.  Post traumatic growth is in essence is identifying and owning what has changed in us because of the trauma.   It changes the lens in which we view the trauma.  The conversations shift from being about the event and pain to how the event changed us for the better.  What changes in are your beliefs, your personal paradigms.  The shift can be so profound; we would not take back the event at all.  You have witnessed post traumatic growth if you have ever heard someone’s story that experienced an accident, disease diagnosis or loss of possession or similar profound event and when asked “would you take it all back, they answer no, they would not change the traumatic event or take it back as if it didn’t happen.  Why, because they now identify with their new paradigms and what those manifest in systems, patterns and events. Events they could not have imagined in the “pre” life.   I accept EPA’s public apology and thank all the individuals who have and continue to respond and take action.

This event has changed me. Awaken me up in unexpected ways.  I am still opening and learning.  It has also validated much for me.  First and foremost is that people are involved in these accidents, every time.  And the most honorable, productive, connecting path we can collectively take to make sure these accidents don’t happen again needs to recognize and see the human and humanity in the event.  It is one reason disasters bring people together.   It will be the reason we get to a paradigm shift quicker and with less suffering.

What it will take to stop rivers from turning oranges is all of us, questioning our paradigms, shifting shame and blame using compassion and be willing to embrace the world of AND instead of either or.  Any paradigm not aligned with nature and universal laws is breaking down.  It takes a critical mass to cause a paradigm shift.  It means we cannot go back to sleep.  I invite you to embrace the change agent you are.

This concludes the ten series blog on “Through the Lens of the Animas River” blog series that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado.  The blog might be done, but the lessons and actions needed are not.  Thank you for reading this series and providing your perspectives as well.  Namaste. 

We cannot be selfish or timid if we hope to have a decent world for our children and grandchildren.Jimmy Carter.

 

What does Hiroshima, Hurricane Katrina, Michael Brown and the Animas River Have in Common? (9 of 10)

What does Hiroshima, Hurricane Katrina, Michael Brown and the Animas River Have in Common?

People kayak in the Animas River near Durango, Colo., Thursday, Aug. 6, 2015, in water colored from a mine waste spill. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said that a cleanup team was working with heavy equipment Wednesday to secure an entrance to the Gold King Mine. Workers instead released an estimated 1 million gallons of mine waste into Cement Creek, which flows into the Animas River. (Jerry McBride/The Durango Herald via AP) MANDATORY CREDIT

People Kayak the Animas River north of Durango, Thursday, August 6th, one day after the Gold King Mine spill.  Photo Jerry McBride, Durango Herald via AP 

Koyaanisqatsi” is the Native American Hopi word for life out of balance

This is the ninth blog in a ten part series called “Through the Lens of the Animas River” that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado.  Each blog in this series looks at a different aspect and deeper story behind the spill.  All Embracing Change Blog is focused on change, how to create it, embrace it and in particular the relationship between paradigms of countries, cultures and collective humanity relate to the systems we build, the patterns we see and experiences we have.  All of those are change points, areas we can influence change but require different approaches and time scales.  Learn more about a change,  paradigm shifts or play Blame It Name It Change It  r sign up for the All Embracing Change Newsletter.  The first blog was titled, “Who Really Turned My River Orange?” and second “How to Get Rid of the Environmental Protection Agency” followed by “Is the Water in the Gold King Mine a Problem?”, “To Superfund or Not to Superfund Silverton.”,“ The Perfect Response to an Orange River”, “Hello Durango, where have you been?”, “Why it Matters When a River Turns Orange” and “Why Anger Is Part of Real Change and Shame Is Not”.

On August 5, 2015 the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) accidently released a spill of metals laden acidic mine water from the Gold King Mine.  This turned the Animas River orange and the entire country watch this butterscotch plume travel from Silverton, Colorado through Durango, on to Aztec and Farmington, New Mexico, then Bluff, Utah and into Lake Powell.  The plume also went through Southern Ute and Navajo Nation Tribal Lands.  The story went viral and international.  Perhaps that is because an orange river is an excellent visual story or maybe the irony that EPA caused a harmful spill and they are the agency responsible to protect us from such spills.

This spill happened over the anniversary for all of these events.  I connect these dots, because these events are connected to this spill and all are connected to our evolutionary growth.  We are in a deep period of evolutionary of change. The rate of change is faster and more frequent.  Systems are breaking down in every sector, health, food, education, security, economic as well as environment.  Those systems reflect paradigms that no longer serve us. Simultaneously new systems are birthing in all sectors as well. These are based on new paradigms; they are not yet the dominant paradigm.  We are in a time of conflicting paradigms and you get to choose which one to fuel.

What is common between these events and the Animas spill?    What is the message in the mess? The comparison here are not literal, not the scale of the event, the lives lost or environmental our human damage done.  They are energetic comparisons.

On August 6, 1945 the US dropped a uranium atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan.  On August 9th dropped a plutonium bomb on Nagasaki, Japan during the final stages of the Second World War.  The two bombings killed 129,000 people and remain the only use of nuclear weapons for warfare in history.  This was manmade destruction of mankind.   It resembles what happens on a global scale when anger and power reign out of control and violence is answered by more violence. In this case, the final violent act enabled another responsive violent act, and so the war and violence ended.  Six days after the bombing on August 15th, Japan announced its surrender to the Allies.  We have been experiencing the externalized cost of that escalation since, in the form of more deaths, environmental impacts, strained relationships and economies and so on.  Whether the harm is on this scale or the scale of the Animas, to just humans or all life, harm is being done from manmade paradigms and choices. We are the problem and the solution. It is up to us to change.

You can add up all the Animas Rivers spills in the past, the threat of 500,000 existing abandoned mines, add in rivers in Brazil and Africa and other places where natural resource extraction has killed rivers and there is no EPA to hold those accountable. Add to that the damage to our waters from other pollution sources, nitrogen, phosphorus, sediment and bacteria to name a few.  Add the assault on flows through dams and withdraws.   What we put in the air and on the land ends up in the water through the hydrologic cycle. The paradigm that water, air and land are infinite and at our disposal to use at a greater rate than can be re-generated is out dated to say the least.  The harm is done; we don’t need more studies to know what we need to change.  We need to change.

Hurricane Katrina was the 11th named storm and 5th hurricane of the 2005 Atlantic hurricane season. It was the costliest natural disaster and one of the five deadliest hurricanes in the history of the US.  Overall 1,245 people died in the hurricane and floods. Property damage estimated at $108 billion. 108 is a spiritual number.  It impacted an entire region with the most significant deaths in New Orleans, Louisiana.  Eventually 80% of the city and large tracts of neighboring parishes were flooded. Most of the property damage occurred in Mississippi beachfront towns where over 90 percent of these areas were flooded.

The failures in New Orleans is considered the worst civil engineering disaster in U.S. History and resulted in a laws suite against the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, the designers and builders of the levee system as mandated by the Flood Control Act of 1965.  The systems put in place from this Act, implemented by U.S. Army Corp of Engineers stem directly from the paradigm of reductionism.  Reductionism is the belief that we can take anything apart, separate it from the whole, modify and change it and not deal with the consequences to the whole.  The levees interrupted a natural, capable, function hurricane surge system built by Mother Nature.  Hurricane Katrina showed us in a costly way on in an acute event that this is not true.  In January 2008, U.S. District Court Judge, Stanwood Duvall laid the responsibility for failures and flooding square on the Army Corps.  But, the federal agency could not be held financially liable because of the sovereign immunity in the Flood Control Act of 1928.  An investigation into the federal, state and local government responses resulted in the resignation of Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) director Michael Brown, New Orleans Police Department Superintendent Eddie Compass.  Other agencies were commended for their actions including the U.S. Coast Guard, National Hurricane Center and National Weather Service. The coincidence of FEMA’s Director’s name Michael Brown and the shooting of Michael Brown are just freaky.

A federal agency caused harm.  Just like EPA.  Was Army Corps guilty?  Yes of causing harm.  But not from of having systems (how they built levees) from a paradigm we all supported and also benefited from.  Army Corps, unlike EPA, was unable to restore and mitigate that harm.  It remains to be seen if entities who want to take legal action against EPA will be able too.  And the paradigm we still embrace today. We expect to live in flood plains and forests that historically do burn and need to burn without losing our homes.  Or if we do, insurance will just replace it that externalizes the cost of living in these natural disaster prone areas.  All our insurance rates have increased across the country from recent hurricanes, tropical storms (Sandy) and forest fires out west.  Why, because insurance policies are risk management not risks aversion. They are not “do what you want and get out of jail free plans”.   This is the same movie playing out with different characters in the abandoned mine genera.  Ten years later and people are still homeless.  We know how it ends.  Small disasters warn, then big ones hit. The wakeup call gets louder, more frequent and costly.

The shooting of Michael Brown occurred August 9, 2015 in Ferguson, Missouri.  That was the day the Animas spill had finally passed through Durango (even though it was still traveling downstream to other communities).   Michael was an 18 year old black man fatally shot by Darren Wilson, 28 years and a white Ferguson police officer.  The disputed circumstances of the shooting and resultant protests, civil unrest went viral. Unrest is still present in Ferguson.  It ignited at debate about the relationship between law enforcement and African Americans and police use of force nationwide.

You can ask question now to determine the paradigms, or beliefs that create our police systems (protocols, policies, etc.).  This one event, and there are 100’s of others just like this one, are symptoms of a broken police system  -just like Gold King Mine spills are a symptom of broken mining systems.  This event uncorked vent up anger about our sophisticated systems that continue to repress, enslave, demean, demoralize, demonizes and ensure minorities stay poor.   Stay at status quo. Until we can hold the space for the anger that is the correct reaction to injustice, we will fuel violence and status quo.  Until we can allow for the whole truth to be spoken and accepted we will suffer the external costs of denial.  The denial that the success and wealth of our country (and European Empires) were built in part on the backs of African Americans and land stolen from Native American Tribes (we didn’t ask, we came and took).  This is part of our story and we will be better for embracing it.

Michael Browns death symbolizes all of this history and pain.  All of this history and pain is not the fault of Officer Wilson.   Officer Wilson was doing his job that day in the way he knew how under a paradigm that doesn’t work.   True justice in this case may only be known between Michael, Officer Wilson and God.   The damage, human and environmental that the legacy of abandoned mines have caused is not the fault of the EPA that day.  EPA is a product of a system operating in a paradigm that doesn’t work anymore.  For some EPA symbolizes all that is wrong with our current paradigms.  Blaming and shaming EPA will result in status quo (see Blog 8).

Each of these events provides opportunities from an unrequested wakeup call.  The Gold King Mine spill on the Animas is no different. What will be your response?

Part 10 of the “Through the Lens of the Animas River” blog series that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado, is titled, “Post Traumatic Growth – What will it take to Stop Orange Rivers?”

We cannot be selfish or timid if we hope to have a decent world for our children and grandchildren.Jimmy Carter.

Why Anger is Part of Real Change and Shame is Not (8 of 10)

Why Anger is Part of Real Change and Shame is Not

People kayak in the Animas River near Durango, Colo., Thursday, Aug. 6, 2015, in water colored from a mine waste spill. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said that a cleanup team was working with heavy equipment Wednesday to secure an entrance to the Gold King Mine. Workers instead released an estimated 1 million gallons of mine waste into Cement Creek, which flows into the Animas River. (Jerry McBride/The Durango Herald via AP) MANDATORY CREDIT

People Kayak the Animas River north of Durango, Thursday, August 6th, one day after the Gold King Mine spill.  Photo Jerry McBride, Durango Herald via AP 

Koyaanisqatsi” is the Native American Hopi word for life out of balance

This is the eighth in a ten part series called “Through the Lens of the Animas River” that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado.  Each blog in this series looks at a different aspect and deeper story behind the spill.  All Embracing Change Blog is focused on change, how to create it, embrace it and in particular the relationship between paradigms of countries, cultures and collective humanity relate to the systems we build, the patterns we see and experiences we have.  All of those are change points, areas we can influence change but require different approaches and time scales.  Learn more about a change,  paradigm shifts or play Blame It Name It Change It.  The first blog was titled, “Who Really Turned My River Orange?” and second “How to Get Rid of the Environmental Protection Agency followed by “Is the Water in the Gold King Mine a Problem?”, “To Superfund or Not to Superfund Silverton.”,“ The Perfect Response to an Orange River”, “Hello Durango, where have you been?” and “Why it Matters When a River Turns Orange”.

On August 5, 2015 the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) accidently released a spill of metals laden acidic mine water from the Gold King Mine.  This turned the Animas River orange and the entire country watch this butterscotch plume travel from Silverton, Colorado through Durango, on to Aztec and Farmington, New Mexico, then Bluff, Utah and into Lake Powell.  The plume also went through Southern Ute and Navajo Nation Tribal Lands.  The story went viral and international.  Perhaps that is because an orange river is an excellent visual story or maybe the irony that EPA caused a harmful spill and they are the agency responsible to protect us from such spills.

Realizing the water you have played in, fished in, allowed your dogs to drink from every day, our used to water crops or livestock may not be the quality you once thought is scary.  Something out of your control cause injury to something you rely on, maybe love but definitely need incites anger.  Anger is a natural and appropriate response to injustice.  Not having information that you understand, that addresses your concerns and questions is frustrating and even infuriating.  Not knowing, who to call, who to ask, what to ask, what think or believe and who to trust, sucks.  Not knowing if you will make ends meet on your bills or in your business fuels anxiety.  We were thrown into the world of uncertainty.  As such, we are all searching for order to get rid of feeling out of control, feeling the uncomfortableness of being in the unknown.  Why can’t someone just make it all go away?  You want certainty, safety, accountability and control.

Events like this bring out every emotion available to humans.  Each individual’s experience is different, as it should be, based on their relationship to the river.  I imagine the people that day working at the mine experienced curiosity, a sense of making a difference, a focus when their started their work day.  And as the hole was drilled, earth broke away unplanned and more and more water leaked.  I imagine fear, anxiety, terror, panic and shock filled their bodies and that quickly was mixed with concern, despair, grief, sadness, compassion, responsibility, guilt, shame, worry and more fear and anxiety as the severity of the spill continued to unfold.  I imagine they even felt some anger, anger they didn’t have enough funding, enough time, the right equipment, enough of something.  It was that hurry up and wait energy. Should I be doing more while we waited and waited (30 plus hours) for the plume to arrive?  As a member of this community, a boater, a lover of rivers, I also experienced confusion, anxiety, concern, compassion, sadness, grief, anger, shock, tension, disbelief, hopelessness, exhaustion, anger, impatience and even apathy (a way to deal with stress is to check out) as the plume, politicians and higher ups all came to and through town.  These emotions, for me were not always directed at one thing, like the EPA or even the river.  They directed at me, peers, officials, the public, the media, and people on social media.

If you attended any of the public meetings or any meeting of people gathered in response to this event, you could feel the tension, confusion, fear, anger, sadness, desperation and shock in the air.  It was tempting and easy, to deal with my own emotions and reactions, to judge others reactions as somehow not accurate.  I admit, I went there a few times and remember how bitter that tastes, how I don’t like who I am when I am judging others because it is disconnecting.

I want to make several points.  First, anger is neither good nor bad, it is a vibration that can be a catalyst for change or an excuse to maintain status quo.   The choice lies within each of us every time.  Accidents are wakeup calls to something out of balance.  Something we are not able to see in the normal every day routine.  Something in our systems, and thus paradigms, that no longer serves us.  They make us stop and get out of our own way for a moment.  No one likes them and no one purposefully causes them, they are unplanned.  They are inconvenient and hurt, because that is what makes us stop.  The inconvenience, hurt and resulting feeling of being out of control creates strong reactions and emotions, including anger.  These emotions create a tension between what was and now what is. Our response to that tension is what either fuels a shift or fuels status quo.  Anger is neither good nor bad; it is just a vibration or an emotion.  What we do with our anger and tension is a choice. That choice will result is shifting anger into action to restore, heal and change for the better of all, or causes more harm, violence, injustice and retains or escalates status quo.

Holding tension is hard, never mind in a room full of angry people.  We are trained that tension is bad and must be eliminated as soon as possible. So we ignore it, numb it, keep moving so we don’t have to deal with it, we blame and shame, we shut down, repress and get depressed.  That guarantees status quo.  If we want change, want to restore injustices we not only need to create new paradigms, we need to be able to hold the space for anger and strong emotions.  It is allowing anger to be heard.

Second, understanding someone’s anger, feelings, experience, opinion and ideology is not the same as agreeing with it.  Current culture has made understanding and agreeing synonyms.  If I take the time and willingness to understand you, you and others will think I agree with you, therefore I cannot understand you.  I cannot agree with you.  This leads to demonizing others, which leads to shaming others, which leads to rationalizing continued status quo injustices, imbalances, harm, divisions, and maintaining broken systems.  It is only by understanding others anger, fear, concerns, injustices, experiences and such that we will find our common ground.  Hearing each other, understanding shows us where we are connected, because we all are connected.  I don’t ever need to agree with you or you with me to create change that benefits both of us.  You weren’t meant to have my experiences in life nor me yours, but pain is common to all humans. I can understand and hear your pain.

Third, to have anger be a catalyst for change, we have to make our world a safe place to make mistakes.  It is from mistakes we learn and grow.  Think of all the things you can do, that you once could not do. Through a series of trial and error you learn, you mastered.  Our systems are the same way, they are imperfect, always will be. Systems are implanted by people mastering that system, be it a legal, delivery, production, banking, educational, environmental or any other system.  The collective skill of people within a system is what makes that system effective or not.  Good intentions, plans, designs, processes, rules, regulation, evaluation, rewards, punishment, accountability, reflection, feedback are some elements that allow a system to make mistakes, limit harm and course correct on the way to mastering.   We have a culture now where no one can make a mistake because no one has to claim responsibility.  Someone could save the people and the planet from all maladies and if made the right mistake, that is all they would be remembered for period.

Do not confuse the need for a safe environment to make mistakes with accountability.  When a mistake causes harm, the harm needs to be restored to best possible capacity.  Healing happens in restoration, it is part of learning, growing and allowing for mistakes is what crates the change needed in the first place.  A person, system, society and culture that cannot make mistakes is one that stays stagnant, shuts down and implodes from within.  Safety to make mistakes creates an environment where anger is transformed into change.  It is safe to feel and express those feelings.  Anger and all its masked emotions begin a series of inquiries, questions, awareness that leads to willingness to make different choices.   It fuels creativity and innovation.  Environments not safe to make mistakes, not to express feelings or even feel, keeps anger repressed and locked up. This kills innovation, is divisive and causes further separation.    The only response getting attention is one that causes harm, violence. You hurt me, I am angry, I will hurt you back.  And the hurt, violence, injustice, repression, etc. cycle continues, sometimes for entire life times, decades and centuries, even escalating into wars and genocides.

The Animas spill made many angry. I was impressed that staff from the federal, state and local agencies held the space for the anger.   It allowed many to move through their anger and on to solutions.  What has impacted me the most from this incident has been the toxicity of blame and shame reactions. The river will recover, Mother Nature does not shame.

This brings me to my last point.  Shame is not a catalyst for change. Shame is not anger or guilt.  Shame is mean, destructive, disrespectful and never productive.  No one and nothing is ever deserving of shame.  Shame is also part of the human condition. We all have shamed ourselves and others and we all have been shamed by others.  We must stop believing that shame will get us what we want.  Shame always delivers more of what you don’t want. Every time.

What we want is to feel connected.  Connection leads to feeling like we belong, matter and are valued and worthy. Worthiness is an essential for inspiration, to spark ideas, make creations and risk sharing ourselves with others.   Worthiness and connection are expansive energies.

Shame is the fear of disconnection and thus, breeds more disconnection.  Shame is contracting energy, shuts down and terminates any chance of change and guarantees status quo.  Shame is the fear of not belonging, primarily because you are not worthy or good enough.  You didn’t do something, say something, wear something, or “fill in the blank – good enough”.  Shame says you are broken in a way that is out of your control to fix, you are hopeless and you will never be good enough, so don’t even try.  Shame shuts down the person shaming and the shamed.  It is a dead end.

Even worse, shame allows abdication of responsibility.  It relieves you of having to do your homework, find out more information, there is always more to a story than what is on Face book, twitter, a news article or media clip.  Always, the media makes everything black and white.  You don’t have to reach out, listen and learn, understand, uncover your responsibility in the incident.  You don’t have to change.  If I shame you then it is up to you to fix the situation.  You are broken and I don’t have to do anything.  I give up all my power to you. My happiness depends on if you change or don’t.  I feel out of control and helpless in attempt to gain control, control makes me feel connected.   The result is status quo at best, at worst, escalation of harm.  Shame screams, you hurt me so I am going to hurt you back, and expect you to change from that hurt.  And so everything stays the same, status quo.  Shame helps the mind find evidence for your beliefs, every time.  Your mind does not know if a belief is serving or hurting you, it just knows to find evidence to make your beliefs right.  You have to challenge the belief, change the belief to create change you want to experience.

If I shame BP for the Gulf Oil Spill, then I don’t have to change my relationship with oil or the paradigm that we must have cheap food, goods and energy or our country will collapse.  It is up to BP.  That is not the same as demanding and requiring BP to restore the harm caused.  BP just finished making payments to damaged communities from one settlement.  EPA needs to do the same and be given the chance to do it. So far, they are doing all the right things, maybe not perfectly (see third point) but they are showing up and trying.  This is why shaming BP has not resulted in a paradigm shift.  Neither will shaming the EPA or mining corporations.

The antidote for shame is compassion and blessing. If you find yourself shaming others and I did during this incident.  You are afraid of disconnection – that looks like losing control, predictability, hope, safety, belonging of counting.  Afraid that your view, your needs, your safety will not matter enough.  I wanted to shame all those who where shaming If you find yourself at the receiving end of shame, it is not personal.  They are projecting their fear and needs onto you.  Let them have their stories.  Let them feel. You know your truth.  If there is something you need to change, restore or take responsibility for, then do it, not because they shamed you, but because you have integrity.

To those that say EPA caused this spill on purpose and shame on them, they are the agency there to protect us from such things.  What I wanted to say was shame on you.  But I know that doesn’t help. So what I say to you is:

  • I understand how this looks like negligent cage, a conspiracy. I understand how feeds your belief that all government is bad and here to hurt, harm and torture us. I understand you feel out of control and angry.
  • I invite you to learn more, things are never as they seem. You seem to me as an angry, irrational, illogical, lazy and selfish person until I am willing to look further, because I bet you aren’t.  I bet we care about many of the same things.
  • From my experience and knowledge I know the EPA gains nothing. I invite you to hear more and broaden your understanding of the situation.  They didn’t need to cause this event to designate Silverton a Superfund site, see Blog 4.  EPA is funded by your tax dollars, allocated by Congress.  Designating a site Superfund, causing disasters does not bring any more or less money to the agency.  In fact, causing an accident creates political disharmony and threatens funding.  Funding will be taken FROM other protections, projects to fund restoration from harm caused by this spill. EPA will lose all the way around, not a win for anyone.  This has tarnished their reputation and ability to do their mission- they have nothing to gain and much to lose.  Superfund as a legislation policy—-has a section called CERCLA that does seek to gain repayment for clean up as part of holding those that caused the mess in the first place, from external costs.  If people want responsibility and accountability, Superfund/CERCLA does just that.  What goes unsaid is that all of this directly opposes the paradigm that created the mess the EPA was there to help clean up, and it creates tension to hold both paradigms in place.

I know that real live people were at the mine that day. People with families and pride.  People who have invested their careers in their expertise and brought that to the Gold King with sincere intentions to do a good job.  People who want to make a difference.  People who would never intentionally hurt anyone.  People who are human, just like you and me.  This is true of the people who were on the rig that caused the Gulf Oil Spill, who built the levees that failed in Hurricane Katrina, that were involved in any environmental disaster.  Shaming them or their agency is like pouring salt over a wound and expecting no pain and for it to heal.

Part 9 of the “Through the Lens of the Animas River” blog series that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado, is titled, “What does Hiroshima, Hurricane Katrina, Michael Brown and the Animas River Have In Common?”

We cannot be selfish or timid if we hope to have a decent world for our children and grandchildren.Jimmy Carter.

Why It Matters When A River Turns Orange (7 of 10)

Why It Matters When A River Turns Orange

People kayak in the Animas River near Durango, Colo., Thursday, Aug. 6, 2015, in water colored from a mine waste spill. The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency said that a cleanup team was working with heavy equipment Wednesday to secure an entrance to the Gold King Mine. Workers instead released an estimated 1 million gallons of mine waste into Cement Creek, which flows into the Animas River. (Jerry McBride/The Durango Herald via AP) MANDATORY CREDIT

People Kayak the Animas River north of Durango, Thursday, August 6th, one day after the Gold King Mine spill.  Photo Jerry McBride, Durango Herald via AP 

Koyaanisqatsi” is the Native American Hopi word for life out of balance

This is the seventh in a ten part series called “Through the Lens of the Animas River” that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado.  Each blog in this series looks at a different aspect and deeper story behind the spill.  All Embracing Change Blog is focused on change, how to create it, embrace it and in particular the relationship between paradigms of countries, cultures and collective humanity relate to the systems we build, the patterns we see and experiences we have.  All of those are change points, areas we can influence change but require different approaches and time scales.  Learn more about a change,  paradigm shifts or play Blame It Name It Change It or sign up for the All Embracing Change Newsletter.  The first blog was titled, “Who Really Turned My River Orange?” and second “How to Get Rid of the Environmental Protection Agency”followed by “Is the Water in the Gold King Mine a Problem?”, “To Superfund or Not to Superfund Silverton.”, “ The Perfect Response to an Orange River” and “Hello Durango, where have you been?”

On August 5, 2015 the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) accidently released a spill of metals laden acidic mine water from the Gold King Mine.  This turned the Animas River orange and the entire country watch this butterscotch plume travel from Silverton, Colorado through Durango, on to Aztec and Farmington, New Mexico, then Bluff, Utah and into Lake Powell.  The plume also went through Southern Ute and Navajo Nation Tribal Lands.  The story went viral and international.  Perhaps that is because an orange river is an excellent visual story or maybe the irony that EPA caused a harmful spill and they are the agency responsible to protect us from such spills.

Why should it matter to you if a river somewhere in the world turns orange? Loses its aquatic life and biodiversity?  If a community loses its drinking water or its people get sick from the water? If entire communities, native people lose a way of life because their river is so contaminated?  If entities responsible such destruction can walk away without any accountability?   If governments can cause harm but do not have to restore harm caused?  These questions are far more extreme than the Animas River spill requires to answer, but they are connected.  The answer, is because it could happen to you, it has and is happening to you.

I am likely preaching to the choir reading this.  Water is life. We are all 80% water.  Water gives life and takes life away.  Water is power. Water creates economies and destroy economies.  Water is needed for almost every product we use and consume. From cars, to clothes, to paint, to construction materials, to paper, to electronic devices to food and the list is endless.   We all need water.  Water is a basic right.  Water is a common good.  We all have a water footprint.

Water touches everything.  What we put in the air and on the land reaches water via the hydrologic cycle.  Water is finite, not infinite, another paradigm bust.  Most of the water on the planet is in the ocean or locked up ice (global warming is changing that). What is fresh and available is less than 0.1% of all water on the planet. And all of that is not available because it is polluted beyond use and we share it with animals.  Water is a public or common good.  What you do to it impacts others and you cannot stop that impact, positive or negative.

Making water a commodity, privatizing water or making it a property right is a product of a paradigm that no longer serves us.  Water is a basic human right.  The old paradigms and associated systems will not work in the future as demands grow and supply decreases.  Supply decreases when we pollute water beyond treatment. The supply is finite.

The Animas River provides food, income, pleasure for multiple communities and tribes. It sustains life for fish, bugs, plants and animals.  When dust from overgrazed lands in Utah blows onto slopes of Colorado Mountains causing runoff of to occur two months early, that matters. That is an externalized cost of raising cattle.  These insults, however small, are not insignificant when add them up. The all reduce a finite supply of water.  They leave communities without basic rights.  The incite the world of OR, like jobs or environment, but the opportunity is to create the world of AND with associated solutions one disaster at a time.  They will add up to a critical mass that will create a paradigm shift.

That is embracing the change agent you are.  It is important we do all the small things, like recycle, reduced energy usage, eat whole nutritious local food and reduce waste.  But those actions make the best of the situation while remaining in the existing paradigm.  We need actions that change the paradigm.  That takes decades, a generation, but it stays.  A paradigm creates new social norms.  When we get a wakeup call the response is to stay awake.

Part 8 of the “Through the Lens of the Animas River” blog series that explores the August 5, 2015 Animas River spill in southwest Colorado, is titled, “Why Anger Is Part of Real Change and Shame Is Not”.

We cannot be selfish or timid if we hope to have a decent world for our children and grandchildren.Jimmy Carter.