To Change or Not To Change
Playing basketball for hours on end, ignoring the call for dinner. Choosing to go hangout at a gym just to get a chance to play. Asked to change my shot, work on my free throws or change anything related to basketball I did it. Not because I was asked but because I wanted to be the best, playing basketball made me feel alive and really good about myself. Fast forward to when I was fresh out of College and could no longer play anymore due to injuries. I had to leave that passion behind and either suffer as a victim of my circumstances or change.
I chose change. I reinvented myself as an expert in rivers and helping others fall in love with their river and create ways to protect and restore those waters. After 25 years living this passion I am being called once again to change. To re-invent myself. To fall in love with myself yet another way. What is my response? Perhaps like you, my response is mixed. A complicated, messy mix of resistance and excitement. Sort of like simultaneously jumping off a cliff and hanging on for dear life (visualize an amazing athlete who can do both at the same time).
What has this looked like for others in my life? Blaming and shaming, creating drama, confusion and lack of focus mixed with dreaming, creating, exploring, trying new things, collaborating and excitement which then ignites doubt, fear and more confusion. My focus also gets mixed and messed up with what is happening outside of me. Events in the world, economy, decisions and choices made by others for example that impact me. Furthermore, I get to experience all of this. I have not always chosen to embrace change along the way.
We all know that the only constant in life is change. And yet at times we resist change and other times we don’t? Perhaps if we break down change in a way we see how it works, we can transform our fear and contraction around change and embrace it for what it is.
Here is my simple theory about change. It involves that math symbol, > or <, greater than or less than and then what exists on either side. Here is the equation for no change, status quo:
MISERY & TOLERANCE > UNKNOWNS & DREAMS & BELIEFS = NO CHANGE
When our misery, what we tolerate and what we will settle for is energetically greater than our fear of the unknown and beliefs about ourselves and life if we change. So, change doesn’t happen. The focus is either worrying about the future (unknown) or clinging to what is (past). Change happens when the energy shifts the sign:
Change happens when our emotions and energy around misery and tolerance is less than our fears.
MISERY & TOLERANCE < UNKNOWNS & DREAMS & BELIEFS = CHANGE
How do we change the > to a <? There are two ways. First, we choose to change. We get sick or tired in some way of our misery, situation, what we are tolerating and settling for and focus on the unknown and what that brings up. We focus on our dreams and the results of changing. We challenge our beliefs about changing and replace them with our truth. For example, instead of focusing on who did what to me or my circumstances, I focus on what I can do about it, what my needs are and challenging my beliefs about changing. This is chosen change, at your pace and ability.
The second way the sign changes is forced. By external events and people. This can be acute in nature and is a crises in nature such as losing a job or loved one, an illness or life changing injury or natural disaster like experiencing a flood or fire for example. External can also happen in more subtle or a chronic pattern, such as losing money or lovers, unhealthy relationships, never landing the dream job, destructive habits or addictions or other ways your spirit is smashed over time. Either acute or chronic circumstances, you are forced into the unknown, forced to change at a time when you didn’t want to, didn’t know you needed to or don’t think you can or know how, but life is no longer the same. This of course is why we hate change.
After a wakeup call, which side of the < or > you land on will depend upon your chosen response to the outside circumstance. Life is not the same true, but you will either chose to return to old ways to restore them. This will create more suffering. Or you will embrace the new door that has been opened and all it brings.
In either case, chosen or forced change, we are always on this path. Every moment of every day we are in the change game, like it or not, agree with it or not. Just like gravity, the apple will fall to the ground if you let go, like it or not. Your power lies in where you chose to focus.
Think of the left side as attached to the past and the right as worry about the future, Any movement beyond worry, closer to change will bring up all inner fears, doubt and parts of you attached to the old ways. You have the brilliance and skill to navigate this. The power for change lies in what you chose to do right now. What can you do right now within your circle of influence? Can you identify your own needs and focus on meeting those needs? Can you seek to understand other’s needs independent of your own?
There is no one or perfect response. Honoring yourself will honor the other every time. All Embracing Change is about supporting each other through the change game and falling in love with being change agents for good. It is a privilege to be in this game with you!